The Words shared by My Parent That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader inability to talk among men, who still hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - spending a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."